Friends

Visiting Cali Girl was quite enlightening.  I learned that one cannot, must not, hold on to the past.  Find things in the present to value, don't insist on making the creatures of today look like the ones from memory.  Not only is memory a fickle beast, creatures insist on being themselves, on authenticity.

Ok, that's super-vague.  I'm not the same person I was in high school, when Cali Girl and I were best friends, soul sisters, finishing each other's sentences and feeling incomplete without a daily dose of togetherness.  It was like a love affair.  A four-years-long relationship that was intense as only teenagers can create, especially a traumatized teen like I was.

I've chosen a very different life for myself from what I expected to have 30 years ago.  I want a peaceful life, with small pleasures lit by joy, seasoned with small disappointments, hold the despair and drama.  I used to think I was destined to make a difference in the world, that I had the power of a meteor, that I would light up the lives of many.  Instead, the world changed me.  I've been humbled.  The universe has


You don't HAVE to be unhappy to be interesting.  There's a 'friend' I have on f@ceb00k who posts several times a day, often something that pertains to a business venture (a pyramid-type thingy).  I keep her listed, because I gotta admit, her posts are very often quite uplifting!  Everyone can use more positivity in life. Sometimes she's a bit 'Suzy Sunshine,' but it does seem authentic.  And she does do interesting things! Travel, athletic competitions, dropping several dress sizes in a year, trying dating again....  So, I keep reading her.

I often want to escape my own life by reading or watching a movie.  Immerse myself in a different life.  When what I SHOULD be doing is living my own life, making memories.  All my interesting ideas come in the wee hours, though, when I'm trying desperately to fall asleep!  I know I should get up and write them down, but that will wake me up even more, so I don't.  Of course all those interesting thoughts evaporate come morning, dull and blank and dreary.  So easy to just put one foot in front of the other, not thinking about where you're going.

Much better to choose where you want to be.  I've been walking pretty steadily three times a week with a nearby friend.  It's WONDERFUL!  Neither of us actually WANT to get out of bed for this, but once we do, we feel better (mostly) and I can tell I'm getting a little bit stronger.  I want to get stronger in lots of ways - not just my heart.