fear feeds on air

I accepted an invitation to dinner from an aquaintance who is pretty involved in the social scene here in The Upper North, and I was really nervous about it. Like, bladder-emptying nervous. I accepted because I'm fed up with and impatient and disgusted with my social anxiety. I wanted to cancel, desperately, because social anxiety is real and not to be dismissed. It effing sucks. But, thanks to a casual friend's casual comment, I had a mantra to take with me and give me strength.

Darnell, my casual friend, after listening to my fears, said "Go forth and be cool."

As simple as that. So I did! I was just me. Not "Nervous Me," or "Let Me Amuse You Me" or whatever. I didn't fake a damn thing. I was open to this total roomful of total strangers and just decided it didn't matter what happened. And it was all good!

I even got called "cool!" I mean... WOW!

It was good. It was really good! I neither made a fool of myself nor fucked up! I was mostly appropriate and didn't embarrass myself and Handsome and I both had a very nice time and met some really interesting people. It was a good evening, one I would have missed if I'd listened to my ever-present fear, which needs nothing but air to thrive.

Fear needs nothing to expand. It takes a huge effort to overcome it. And, sometimes, it is ABSOLUTELY worth that big effort!

Whew! Thanks to Darnell, for the Mantra!

Go forth and be cool.