Sailing takes me away

First of all, we're ok. A little sore, still, but ok. Dang lucky, too!

Ok, here's what happened.

Mr. Handsome was offered the use of a friend's 30' sailboat on July 4 (Friend was going to be out of town). Fun! Mr. Handsome loves to sail! I don't mind being ballast. Then, Mom Handsome asked if we'll help entertain a friend-of-a-friend of Sister Handsome, who Mom and Pop Handsome are hosting for a few days while she's in town (long and irrelevant story as to why she's here from Canada). So, Mr. Handsome offered to take Ms. Canada sailing. Now, I'm usually very social, welcoming, friendly, all that. Lately, though, not so much. I just did NOT feel like spending the holiday making small talk with a stranger. Mr. Handsome blew off my bitching disinterest and I felt like if I didn't go, he wouldn't go, and then I'd be responsible for him missing this opportunity to sail.

Ok, there's the backstory.

So, we picked up Ms. Canada, who is one of the most annoying people I've met in a long time. I think she must be from Southern California and just lying about being from Canada. Everyone knows Canadians are all clever, funny, and nice, all of them, every last one. And all Valley Girls are brainless, slow-talking, stupid morons, who have to be told things repeatedly and in simple words. Not kind of me, yeah, whatever. She annoyed me!

We got to the boat, nice boat, has a resident orange cat, named Cat.

He's AWESOME! Friendly, mellow, affectionate; they should name him Bob. I discovered that we have to wait for Friend's girlfriend (another stranger to make small talk with). Ms. Canada spent a lot of time being annoying. "Blah blah blah, sunny, blah blah blah, does that cat live here? Blah blah blah" I wasn't really listening anymore. I did some knitting and also played with Cat. Awesome cat. Gorgeous Girlfriend arrived with her sister (ANOTHER stranger to make small talk with! aaaAAARRRRRrrrrgh!!!!), we made all our introductions, pleasantries, and headed out.

As it turns out, Gorgeous Girlfriend and her sister are genuinely nice, pleasant and interesting people! Easy to be with, not a struggle to talk with, companionable. I'd still rather have stayed home, but, whatever; Mr. Handsome was having a good time.

And has a little crush on Gorgeous Girlfriend. I don't blame him. I would, too, if I were I guy!

Our little cruise was over, so we headed into port. Gorgeous was driving (do you drive a boat? The sails were furled, we were under motor power, so is it still sailing?) and Handsome asked if she wanted to keep driving, get us all tucked away at the slip. She said, "Sure." Handsome and Sister's job was to do something with bowlines, Canada and I are to prevent the boat from bumping the pylons on the slip. As we were heading into the slip, the dock was crowded with partying boaters, we were going pretty fast. I was wondering how the hell I'm supposed to stop the boat from bumping the pylons when we're going so fast when Gorgeous shouted "HOLD ON!" I grabbed onto a pylon on the slip, thinking (I guess) that I would stop the boat with my Super Strength and we BOOM!!! hit the dock! HARD! I got torn out of the boat and almost did a face plant on the slip-deck. Thank god for yoga: I landed in a crocodile or cobra postition, taking most of the force of the fall on my upper arms and shoulders.

I've got some beautiful bruises on my left thigh and foot and right shin. I wrenched my left arm and shoulder and neck and lower back, but am on the mend. Handsome wrenched his right shoulder pretty badly but he's on the mend, too. Sister ALMOST flew over the bow, which would have resulted in her getting squashed between the prow and the dock, but luckily, she just did a Superman (feet and legs airborne) and landed back down safely.

Ms. Canada and Cat and Gorgeous were all fine.

We hit so hard and the BOOM was so loud that people came running from all over to see what exploded! I got up from cobra pose

to find Trach Lady

standing over me, saying I have NO idea what, because HELLO! SHE HAS A TRACH!

But she was very animated about it. I kind of yelled at her, "WHAT!?!" She put her finger over the trach hole and said, "She came in too fast!" I responded smartly, "Yeah, I think she figured that out." Not polite. I'm sure I'm going to hell. Poor woman just wanted to make sure we were all ok and I yelled at her. I yelled at some poor old woman who has to live with a hole in her neck. Yeah, I'm definitely going straight to hell.

Anyway, after merciless teasing by the rednecks hillbillies partying boat people on the dock, we confirmed we were all ok and that, MIRACULOUSLY, neither the boat nor the dock had a scratch on them! And Cat was ok, too, just majorly freaked out, poor kitty. Turns out, the engine cut when Gorgeous tried to put it in reverse, which would have slowed us down for a safe docking. Also, as we were getting in the car to leave, one of the boat people pointed out that he'd dinged my car when he carelessly opened his car door. What a fun evening.

Ah, well. I have to admit, I'm glad Handsome wasn't at the helm when it happened. Friend will forgive Gorgeous Girlfriend but would probably give Mr. Handsome all kinds of (teasing) grief!

I'm not eager to go sailing again, though, I'll tell you that.