I like to joke that I can read so many books because I neglect household chores. Actually, it's not a joke. I REALLY need to do laundry (and organize the bedroom, geez, what a sty). Today, I'm wearing a sweater that someone gave me years ago. I hardly ever wear it because it's not at all flattering, but I keep it because it was A) a gift, and B) reeeeeeaaaalllly expensive (Peruvian Connection: most of their stuff is absolutely gorgeous. The sweater I'm wearing is dull, boxy, and matronly. Also, too small. Good lord, how ungrateful do I sound?!? It WAS a sweet though, getting me a high-quality, mega-pricey sweater. I just wish I liked it, so I'd wear it, y'know? I am grateful for the thought, though).
NEWS ALERT! There's a squirrel RIGHT outside my window! He's very hungry. He's chewing on the tree bark. awww..... But he's so close I could touch him (if the window were open, but, of course, it's not, because it's 21F degrees out).
...back to our regularly scheduled musings...
I'm also wearing jeans that I pulled out of the laundry pile. I know, "ew." But the jeans I was going to wear, I couldn't get past my hips! How am I getting FATTER?!?!? I swear I wore the now-too-tight jeans last month! I'm hoping I'll get my act together to walk to work today. It's only a 30 minute walk. I don't know why I don't do it every work day. Other than, there's this weird feeling I have about not wanting to be looked at. I don't want people looking at me as they drive by, or as they look out their window. I want to be invisible, drift through their neighborhoods like fog. Ironically, I enjoy looking at people as they walk or jog by my window. huh. Anyway, being looked at makes me so uncomfortable. I get really nervous, anxious. Stupid. This unpleasant feeling is why I very often never leave the house, not even to check the mail, on my days off. Thank god for a job: It gets me out of the house.
So, it's super cold, I'm wearing an ugly, unflattering, too-tight outfit, but hopefully, I'll shrink soon. I'm trying to remember that I AM making an effort. It might not be as gung-ho an effort as some would make, but it is a beginning. I'm tired of beating myself up for being fat and ugly. It's boring.
2 comments:
Hi Sis! This could be a picture of my room (except mine isn't as well lit)!! I've decided to try taking it one hour at a time and see what I can get done in an hour of actually working. It's a great feeling of accomplishment, even after just an hour, and it encourages me to do more... until I get distracted yet again by the internet...
Please please please shrug off the desire to be invisible!!! I've been hiding in plain sight for too long. What's with the agoraphobia? Does it make you happy? Refer to that flowchart you posted a while back, 'k?
Love ya,
Sis
Good question, Sis: "Does it (agoraphobia) make you happy?" I don't know.... It feels safer.
I'll try your idea of taking the mess a little at a time. Less overwhelming that way!
Love you bunches!
Sis
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