We lost our insurance yesterday, which I discovered when I was at the wrist doctor's office (rather embarrassing). So I'm starting to cut back on my meds, ration them out. I don't know how good an idea this is, but I figure, less meds for longer is better than no meds sooner. I'm feeling very unbalanced today and kinda panicky.
My wrist is fine, though it still hurts. The doc could find nothing wrong. He was really nice and gentle, though. Doctors are MAJORLY scary. I also went to the skin doctor yesterday, to look at a lesion on my nose that's been there for a year, never quite healing. He said it was just a sebaceous cyst. He couldn't explain why it would change size and get oozy and crusty, though. Or why it itches. Or makes me sneeze when I scratch it. He wasn't much help, really. $90, please.
Mr. Handsome still has no job, though there are whispers of interviews in the future. I don't earn even 1/3 of what we need to pay the bills each month, so we're cutting into our retirement a lot. We're going to have to figure out how to live more frugally and since we're already cheap as hell, I don't know where to cut expenses.
I realize, when I look at our situation objectively, that we're actually doing well. And I find that very comforting! I mean, our bills ARE being paid, we DO have enough savings to cover our needs. Furthermore, if we get desperate, we CAN sell the Hobby House; the land is what's valuable there, not the house. And we haven't really looked out-of-state for work. We could totally pull a Bro and bail out of Michigan.
All things considered, we're pretty lucky. No kids to worry about health, school, friends. We're mostly healthy, no big health bills (touch wood). Both our cars are paid off. And, while my job doesn't pay much, at least I HAVE it!
I do find all of that very comforting. It centers me, to remind myself that we're not in dire straights and we do have options.
I'm just so depressed. And therapy costs money. I'm so bitter and angry and fearful. And now the neighborhood is in trouble (gang-banger house in back of us, causing problems ALL the time) and Mr. Handsome is starting a neighbors' action committee. I'm really, super proud of him, because he's so shy and insecure - doing something like this is HUGE progress, personally, for him. It's just that I don't want any of the responsibility.
Actually, I don't want responsibility for anything right now, not even my laundry. I just want to hole up and hide, not answer the phone, ignore email, and escape into a book or videos. I must admit, the show "Hoarders" is not a good choice. It actually gives me nightmares. I have certain hoarding tendencies and I'm terrified to turn into one of THEM.
I just feel like my head is going to explode with all my worries.
UPDATE Sept 24:
He got a job! We won't have to move! I won't have to get a new job anytime soon! WHEW!!!!!
... there's no place I'd rather be.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
hot but a bit better today
It's just been all doom and gloom and irritable and angry and cranky and ... just ick in my heart and mind. So, I haven't posted anything. But my back is getting better, though there's still some numbness in my right arm and hand. Makes it tricky to carry, hold, and reach for stuff. But I do think it's getting better and I think how I sleep (full-on my right shoulder) might have something to do with it. The bad thing is I bashed my wrist into a small metal post and now my hand hurts like CRAZY. I'm afraid ('cause my default is ALWAYS to go to "Worst Case Scenario") I broke something in there. There's a weird divot, then a bump, a really deep bruise and major weakness in that hand now. BUT! I think in reality, it's just a really, really, super-duper bad bruise, 'cause I can still move all my fingers and thumb, and grip stuff. SO! There's all the bad news. Oh, one more thing: The new guy at work is very annoying. end of bad stuff.
The good stuff! We got a replacement air conditioner, no argument from him (usually, I have to describe what, explain how, and defend why I think we should do something - this is usually pointless, as, if it's not his idea, it's not the right idea. SO maddening) beyond a few questions/challenges. He's putting it in right now. I told him I'd do it, but I have to admit, I knew he'd WANT to put it in, because he does seem to enjoy making projects more complicated than I think they have to be. Now, to be fair, he usually thinks things through WAY more thoroughly than I do and plans ahead and stuff like that, so his end-product lasts longer, though it takes him a really long time to do it. I just jump in and do it. If it's wrong, I'll fix it later, maybe. So, which is better? I don't know. Probably his.
Also, I finally wore him down on the subject of sheer curtains for the new HUGE window/french doors in the dining room. He did NOT want anything blocking the view. I just wanted something to soften up the room, add some color, and something that would be available to pull across and lower the solar gain. He tried to convince me that the solar gain was negligible, but you can feel the ROASTING HOT sun in there, so I didn't even let him finish that false argument. I mean, they are new windows, so I'm sure the sun-heat is WAY less than the old windows, but it's still very hot, indeed. And, since we both just really, really hate the heat, why NOT try the sheers? geez. So, I said I'd hang the curtains (which needed the rod re-hung, since it's a new wall), but he'd lost the brackets. I said, "No problem. A stapler works great." Well, that made him find them pretty quick. I said I'd hang the rod, but, again, I KNEW he'd want to do it, because the way he does things is always better (in his opinion) than the way I do things. No skin off my nose. I was totally willing to do it, but he said he would. It took him an hour (an HOUR!) but now it's done and
I
Am
Happy!
Also, I switched out the heavy, dark, insulating curtains in the living room (they help IMMENSELY on cold nights, to keep the heat in) to light, breezy sheers that not only look soft and pretty and lighter for Summer, but will help reduce solar gain without turning the room into a cave!
Now for the boring bits: After we got the air conditioner, we went out for lunch (a splurge, we really shouldn't have, but it was nice to go out) and my sandwich was DELICIOUS! Back home, I did some laundry, went for a walk to the Library (20 mins) read outside in the sunshine and finally took a shower.
Im fatter than ever, my hair is a total mess (color, cut and condition all just dreadful), I hardly have any clothes that fit my fat body, but today, I feel good. I won some battles, did some chores, got some exercise and had some fun.
Today is a good day.
The good stuff! We got a replacement air conditioner, no argument from him (usually, I have to describe what, explain how, and defend why I think we should do something - this is usually pointless, as, if it's not his idea, it's not the right idea. SO maddening) beyond a few questions/challenges. He's putting it in right now. I told him I'd do it, but I have to admit, I knew he'd WANT to put it in, because he does seem to enjoy making projects more complicated than I think they have to be. Now, to be fair, he usually thinks things through WAY more thoroughly than I do and plans ahead and stuff like that, so his end-product lasts longer, though it takes him a really long time to do it. I just jump in and do it. If it's wrong, I'll fix it later, maybe. So, which is better? I don't know. Probably his.
Also, I finally wore him down on the subject of sheer curtains for the new HUGE window/french doors in the dining room. He did NOT want anything blocking the view. I just wanted something to soften up the room, add some color, and something that would be available to pull across and lower the solar gain. He tried to convince me that the solar gain was negligible, but you can feel the ROASTING HOT sun in there, so I didn't even let him finish that false argument. I mean, they are new windows, so I'm sure the sun-heat is WAY less than the old windows, but it's still very hot, indeed. And, since we both just really, really hate the heat, why NOT try the sheers? geez. So, I said I'd hang the curtains (which needed the rod re-hung, since it's a new wall), but he'd lost the brackets. I said, "No problem. A stapler works great." Well, that made him find them pretty quick. I said I'd hang the rod, but, again, I KNEW he'd want to do it, because the way he does things is always better (in his opinion) than the way I do things. No skin off my nose. I was totally willing to do it, but he said he would. It took him an hour (an HOUR!) but now it's done and
I
Am
Happy!
Also, I switched out the heavy, dark, insulating curtains in the living room (they help IMMENSELY on cold nights, to keep the heat in) to light, breezy sheers that not only look soft and pretty and lighter for Summer, but will help reduce solar gain without turning the room into a cave!
Now for the boring bits: After we got the air conditioner, we went out for lunch (a splurge, we really shouldn't have, but it was nice to go out) and my sandwich was DELICIOUS! Back home, I did some laundry, went for a walk to the Library (20 mins) read outside in the sunshine and finally took a shower.
Im fatter than ever, my hair is a total mess (color, cut and condition all just dreadful), I hardly have any clothes that fit my fat body, but today, I feel good. I won some battles, did some chores, got some exercise and had some fun.
Today is a good day.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Happy Star Wars Day!
May the Fourth be with you!
Geez, I love the original trilogy. I'll be running around with CaliGirl, celebrating her nephew successfully hunting down a college degree (W00T!!!), but, tonight, I'll be watching Episode IV.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Spider-Man thwarts robbery in comic shop caper - Times Online
it just happened that the Jedi Knights were there
and they had their lightsabres out so they held the door until the police arrived."
Spider-Man thwarts robbery in comic shop caper - Times Online
Genuinely amazing. I love it! Every Hallowe'en, I try to convince Mr. Handsome to be Spider-Man (he could def pull it off, perfect yoga body), but he's not into dressing up, so no go. Still, he'd be GREAT! I, of course, would go as Mary Jane, even though I lack dimples.
Spider-Man thwarts robbery in comic shop caper - Times Online
Genuinely amazing. I love it! Every Hallowe'en, I try to convince Mr. Handsome to be Spider-Man (he could def pull it off, perfect yoga body), but he's not into dressing up, so no go. Still, he'd be GREAT! I, of course, would go as Mary Jane, even though I lack dimples.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
yes, yes I am....
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
I need a vacay! A real one, with no worries and no responsibilities. I think that's why I read so much - to escape.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Fluffy Coffee
Cinnamon and I try to meet once a week for coffee. She takes hers "fluffy," i.e. with sweet, caramel syrup, lots of whipped cream, and milk. I treat myself to a cappuchino, no whipped cream. I really enjoy getting together with her. I had to cancel this past week because of the TV thing, but I hope we can do it again in May.
Hi Cinnamon!
Her phone was not cooperating - she could rival a teen in her committment to her phone!
Hi Cinnamon!
Her phone was not cooperating - she could rival a teen in her committment to her phone!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Me on TV
I'm going to be on TV, which scares the bejeezus out of me. And, at the same time, I'm very excited! I'll think I'll stick with the excited part. There's no way I can lose weight in time to look good for the segment, so I'll just go with it. It's a little blurb about a shop hop tonight, airing on a little chat-show.
This is what I was wearing:
I love that brown blazer - it looks especially good with a cool black t shirt and dark, tight jeans (yes, despite my chub, I wear tight jeans). The necklace is actually a little oil phial. It's gorgeous, but doesn't show up well. And I love the shoes; comfy and tall. I actually wore tall shoes so I'd be the same height as the presenter (Joy), but then she kicked off her tall shoes and so I wound up looking like a GIGANTOR. You'll see.
This is probably all that will show on TV, for which I'm grateful.
Joy, the woman who introduced the store and the segment, is SO nice! No, really, she's just really nice and I felt more at ease than I thought I would. I'll post a link when it's available.
Golly! TV is FUN!
However, looking at my pics, I can see why Mr. Handsome says I look like Pam Ferr!s (as Laura in "R0semary & Thyme"). I do.
I asked him who I looked more like and he said, "Thyme." I see the resemblance!
Ok, so the segment just aired and I look MANIC! And very RED. Mr. Handsome says that it must be the Skype camera set-up and the ambient lighting causing my vibrant look. Kind of him, but it doesn't explain my MANICness. Holy cow. TV is scary!
Or the crazy eyes. yikes. And yet I share all this with you. huh. My narcissism knows no boundaries....
Joy was SOOOOooo nice! I mean, she really was nice and laid back and cheerful and just put me at ease. I can't imaging how zippy I would have been if she hadn't made me feel so comfortable. Doesn't she look just like Mariska Hargitay?
This is what I was wearing:
I love that brown blazer - it looks especially good with a cool black t shirt and dark, tight jeans (yes, despite my chub, I wear tight jeans). The necklace is actually a little oil phial. It's gorgeous, but doesn't show up well. And I love the shoes; comfy and tall. I actually wore tall shoes so I'd be the same height as the presenter (Joy), but then she kicked off her tall shoes and so I wound up looking like a GIGANTOR. You'll see.
This is probably all that will show on TV, for which I'm grateful.
Joy, the woman who introduced the store and the segment, is SO nice! No, really, she's just really nice and I felt more at ease than I thought I would. I'll post a link when it's available.
Golly! TV is FUN!
However, looking at my pics, I can see why Mr. Handsome says I look like Pam Ferr!s (as Laura in "R0semary & Thyme"). I do.
I asked him who I looked more like and he said, "Thyme." I see the resemblance!Ok, so the segment just aired and I look MANIC! And very RED. Mr. Handsome says that it must be the Skype camera set-up and the ambient lighting causing my vibrant look. Kind of him, but it doesn't explain my MANICness. Holy cow. TV is scary!
Or the crazy eyes. yikes. And yet I share all this with you. huh. My narcissism knows no boundaries....
Joy was SOOOOooo nice! I mean, she really was nice and laid back and cheerful and just put me at ease. I can't imaging how zippy I would have been if she hadn't made me feel so comfortable. Doesn't she look just like Mariska Hargitay?
I used to think I kinda looked like Mariska, but, uh, no. I do think I need to go brown, though. Time to lose the red hair!
Ok, time to go for lunch!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Wings!
http://www.woodtv.com/dpp/sports/nhl/Red-Wings-dominate-Coyotes-with-rout
I love when there's GOOD news, on the news.
GO WINGS!!!
Detroit's Pavel Datsyuk scores past Phoenix's Ilya Bryzgalov in the second period of Game 7 of a first-round playoff series April 27, 2010.
(credit above)
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Levitation is AWESOME
A mother duck out for a walk on a sunny day crosses a manhole grate and loses all 12 of her ducklings.
The crew at Levitation hears her crying and hatches a rescue plan.
Listen to the guy at 2:48 when he answers the phone "yeah, I'm rescuing ducks now...." All in a day's work.
Here's a brief article from a local news station.
If I ever need entertainment staging, Levitation will be who I call. Teamwork, perseverance, commitment to a positive outcome - these people have it all!
The crew at Levitation hears her crying and hatches a rescue plan.
Listen to the guy at 2:48 when he answers the phone "yeah, I'm rescuing ducks now...." All in a day's work.
Here's a brief article from a local news station.
If I ever need entertainment staging, Levitation will be who I call. Teamwork, perseverance, commitment to a positive outcome - these people have it all!
Monday, April 26, 2010
kitty toes
Let's start the week with Cleo.
And, because everyone loves kitty toes, a closeup (sorry for the blurry):
And, because everyone loves kitty toes, a closeup (sorry for the blurry):
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Who would I go with? Bro???
I want to go SO badly. It's a pile of cash, though. But Chicago, Sunday, July 5th! Maybe....
Saturday, April 24, 2010
'Boobquake' to test Iran cleric theory
Sophia and I share a birthday, not a resemblance (sadly for me).
'Boobquake' to test Iran cleric theory
I honor her idea and sense of humor!
Boobs are very powerful! I speak from experience! I sometimes exploit my cleavage to sell books. I AM the Book Slut.
update 1
update 2
'Boobquake' to test Iran cleric theory
I honor her idea and sense of humor!
Boobs are very powerful! I speak from experience! I sometimes exploit my cleavage to sell books. I AM the Book Slut.
update 1
update 2
Thursday, April 22, 2010
update?
Sis is in Mexico, enjoying the warm, warm Caribbean water.
I'm feeling like water in a drain, circling and circling and going nowhere but down. This is why I haven't posted anything substantial in a long time. I'm scared about the near future (finances) and the far-away future (health issues), I'm worried about my job (I love it very much and worry it's going to disappear), I'm disgusted with myself for not taking any action with any of my worries or with my weight and strength. I'm genuinely disgusted with myself.
agh.
I hope to get back to the cheerful soon.
Actually, I can maybe get there sooner - it's beautiful outside, no, I mean REALLY AMAZINGLY beautiful, sunny and blue skies with white puffy clouds, flowering trees in every yard, tulips and daffodils preening themselves, birds singing their hearts out. I think I'll go for a walk and overcome my anxiety about being in public! Go me!
Monday, April 19, 2010
The Spring Moon Gaze continues Tuesday night | wzzm13.com | Grand Rapids, MI
The Spring Moon Gaze continues Tuesday night | wzzm13.com | Grand Rapids, MI
It's soooooo pretty here - I wish I had some cool pics for you! Click on the link for sky things.
It's soooooo pretty here - I wish I had some cool pics for you! Click on the link for sky things.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
eek!
Beating Obesity - Magazine - The Atlantic
Help! Seriously, help. I can't find my Discipline Gene. I let myself get away with being a fat slob and I'm SICK OF IT. help.
Help! Seriously, help. I can't find my Discipline Gene. I let myself get away with being a fat slob and I'm SICK OF IT. help.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
hee hee!
Two Sunday funnies for you!
http://punditkitchen.com/2010/04/11/political-pictures-barack-obama-hello-ladies/
HAHAHAH!!! Based on this:
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Hug your sibs!
I've got the best, sorry, you can't have them. I love my sibs!
Lost in Indiana....
Sisters are GREAT!
"A" Mountain in Arizona
Family is precious
I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful family!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Dalek love
Friday, April 2, 2010
Sports - Blue Jackets 2, Red Wings 3
Red Wings forward Johan Franzen had an assist in the win over the Blue Jackets tonight.
(KIRTHMON F. DOZIER/DFP)
Sports - Blue Jackets 2, Red Wings 3
It's been a loooooooong couple of days and the busyness will continue, but there are things to be glad about. The Wings right now are one!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Thurs
I was born in the wrong time. I feel most comfortable with objects, clothes, furniture, all kinds of things from early in the 20th century. Absolutely, to be sure, some things sucked harder than the QEII's bilge pump
Anyhoo, that's neither here nor there. Today started off GREAT. I went for a long and BRISK walk, a f#ckin' power walk, with Cinnamon, right past Bro's house, actually. It was waaaaaay too early to say Hi though, so we didn't stop. Seriously, this was at dawn. And it was great!
Work was good, lots of customers, busy day. We had a poetry event this evening, so it was an 11.5 hour day for me, which is chump change for loads of folks, but is hard-core for me. I was absolutely done. But then, Gina came in! Gina has had some recent tragedy that goes beyond comprehension. Lots to process. It was soooooooooo good to see her, I love Gina. She was meeting her sis and some friends for an Escapee Night Out and invited us to join. I declined at first, knowing I was PAST tired (and no dinner, let's just keep that in mind, eh?), but then thought, "Well, just a drink." Bad decision.
Not BAD-BAD, just... I feel like I got too easy with my words, let my guard down, said stupid shit, and ... probably wasn't as dignified as I like to wish I was. After just two glasses of tasty Zinfandel. And, still, no dinner. Now, I'm eating f#cking oatmeal as I type this.
I'm feeling really old and tawdry. I think I need to escape into another time. The Roaring Twenties, maybe.
like, gender roles, women's opportunities, race relations, minority rights - geezus, those things were all abhorrently bad. I just really liked the look of things, I guess. Or I just miss my childhood. I don't want my younger days to have been my golden years. Geez, there were some really good things about my childhhod, though.
Anyhoo, that's neither here nor there. Today started off GREAT. I went for a long and BRISK walk, a f#ckin' power walk, with Cinnamon, right past Bro's house, actually. It was waaaaaay too early to say Hi though, so we didn't stop. Seriously, this was at dawn. And it was great!
Work was good, lots of customers, busy day. We had a poetry event this evening, so it was an 11.5 hour day for me, which is chump change for loads of folks, but is hard-core for me. I was absolutely done. But then, Gina came in! Gina has had some recent tragedy that goes beyond comprehension. Lots to process. It was soooooooooo good to see her, I love Gina. She was meeting her sis and some friends for an Escapee Night Out and invited us to join. I declined at first, knowing I was PAST tired (and no dinner, let's just keep that in mind, eh?), but then thought, "Well, just a drink." Bad decision.
Not BAD-BAD, just... I feel like I got too easy with my words, let my guard down, said stupid shit, and ... probably wasn't as dignified as I like to wish I was. After just two glasses of tasty Zinfandel. And, still, no dinner. Now, I'm eating f#cking oatmeal as I type this.
I'm feeling really old and tawdry. I think I need to escape into another time. The Roaring Twenties, maybe.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Out like a Lamb
(Thank you, www.woodtv.com, for image)So, here's what I did this morning:
How did you start the day?
~~~~~
(unrelated...)
This is a great blog, just found it!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Grumpy
It's not that it's Monday, it's not that I didn't sleep well ('cause I didn't - I never sleep well), I'm just grumpy today. I'm worried about money, about Mr. Handsome's job sitch, about MY job sitch, about being out of shape (but too damn lazy to do anything about it), about Spring Fashion, about not having any cute shoes.... It just goes downhill from there. Got something you want worried about? Send it my way, I'll worry about it for you. I could market this as a new service! "Give yourself more time and energy, let Homebody take care of worrying for you, for the low, low price of only $19.95! BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE! Order within the next 11 minutes, and we'll worry twice as hard for the same price!!!"
I'm just grumpy.
So as to not leave you with a grumpy 'tude like mine, I suggest reading this. It will make you smile, unless your heart is a hard, cold stone.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Literary plants
Talk about crafty! These are GREAT! I wanted to embed the images, but am not savvy enough to do so. Click on, my friend, click on!
An indoor planter that's a real page-turner | MNN - Mother Nature Network
An indoor planter that's a real page-turner | MNN - Mother Nature Network
clothes
I love clothes, hair stuff, make-up. Girly-girl stuff. But I'm not really all THAT girly. I like cars and motorcycles and hockey and soccer. And beer. I really like beer.
Anyway, I loooove these clothes!
Check out the bag in the middle photo. Covetousable.
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